Once upon a time...

There was a time in my life when I looked in the mirror and was genuinely happy with what was looking back at me. The same for when I was looking inward at the sort of person I was... I was happy with that person. I didn't require constant affirmation and approval from others because I was able to see my value, I knew my worth. I was who I was... take me or leave me... love me or hate me, it didn't matter one way or the other to me.

And I was a fun girl, a crazy girl, a happy girl full of smiles and giggles. I loved people. I found the silver lining in every rain cloud. I was able to find happiness no matter my situation. 

Somewhere along the way, that all changed. I very rarely like what I see in the mirror anymore and more times than not a hard look inside reveals dark places better left unexplored and things about myself that I can't bear to acknowledge. I get more and more anti social all the time, I get overwhelmed at the slightest set backs. I hardly ever smile. 

Somewhere along the way I lost my innocence, my joy, my engagement, my smile. All that is left in its place is a jaded girl full of doubt and disappointment with a sort of half smile on her face who needs constant reassurance that she is good enough, that she is worthy. Constant affirmation that she is wanted, that she is pretty, that her size doesn't matter... 

I do not like this jaded version of myself. I don't know what broke me... I don't know how to fix it... Some days I manage it better than others. Some days it runs me over completely... every once in a while I catch a glimpse of the girl I used to be... I miss her.