more than the fantasy

Talking to a friend tonight on twitter and the conversation turned, like it sometimes does, to the restrictions I am bound by in my real life. (Maybe a whole other post on this some day).

The one thing that was said that I found myself focusing on was that I want more than the fantasy and so I created my secret world... Angel, my twitter, this blog, my tumblr, to find that. My secret place to fill the needs that I cannot fill in my real life.

The thing that caused the sharp focus on this train of thought tonight was simply that I think maybe he misunderstood my comment about wanting more than the fantasy. To a girl in my position, there are a few different levels to the fantasy vs. the reality.

Fantasy - There is play without commitment. Simply two people who have a decently good chemistry getting each other off... sexting, phone, skype... whatever works. No commitment, no strings, no jealousy. Just naughty play that hopefully results in both parties cumming and temporarily satisfied.

Fantasy - There are the friends with benefits. Almost the same as play but there is a level of commitment there. A promise to be careful with each other, to be considerate of each other, and to still be there for each other when everyone is done getting off.

Fantasy - DsFWB or surrogates. These are the people who you may have a wonderful D/s sort of connection with but for whatever reason it just doesn't work when you try to take it out of the realm of fantasy and into the realm of more. These people can help you when your skin is crawling off your bones and all you need are feet to sit calmly at or tasks to complete to bring your spinning head back to earth or the opposite of that, when you need a leash in your hand, a compliant and obedient submissive to calm your need to Dominate. You can help each other out. This is still fantasy to me. It only matters when it is needed. It is not all the time, there is not a total commitment required.

Then there are those who you meet and your souls collide in a fiery, unmistakable collision of lust and need and immediate knowledge that there will be more to this than play... more than just fantasy. This can be with someone in your real life or someone online. The miles between will not matter when this smashing together of auras happens. This, for me, is where fantasy ends and more than fantasy begins.

Many people feel like online or long distance relationships of any sort are just fantasy, but I know different. I know that those connections can be made, maintained, overwhelming even if the people involved never meet. I know it can happen if they never even lay eyes on each other or hear each other's voices. I have been a part of that exact thing.

When I say I want more than the fantasy, I am not necessarily talking about requiring face to face, hands on interaction. What I want is for it to be more than a game, more than just play. I want the effort and I want to make the effort. I want to be the temptation and to be tempted. I want the commitment, I want to belong to Him. I want to feel His presence across the miles reaching for me as I sleep, beside me as I wake and every minute of the day. I want His thoughts, His desires, His lust, His adoration, His devotion. I want to give Him all of that. I want expectations, rules, demands, boundaries. I want Him to watch over me, monitor me, protect me. I don't want to be someone who just helps Him get off occasionally, someone to call only when His cock gets hard. I want to be the reason His cock gets hard. I want to be the reason He looks forward to the day.. the reason He constantly comes up with new and creative torments, tasks, assignments, and play.

In the technological world we live in today, the miles almost don't matter. There are so many ways to connect that even a long distance relationship can intensify across the miles... can develop into something very, very real and very, very far from fantasy and play. With even the slightest ability to travel, the possibilities become even more exciting. Even if it is only one meeting or 100 meetings. The hands on adds to the depth of the more than fantasy relationship.

When I say that I developed my secret life to experience more than the fantasy... this is what I meant. I want more than games. I want to experience submission to a strong, demanding Dominant man who adores me at the same time His mind races with ways to push me, to torment me, to get my mascara running down my cheeks and cum running down my thighs and the ways in which He can witness and be an active part of that happening.

One day...