I've been preparing myself for days for today. I was going to change the twitter bio. I was going to get up off my knees and start trying to walk away. I knew it was going to happen. I knew the day I tried to obey would be the day I would hear from Him and sure enough it was.
He kik'd me this morning. It took all of about 6 messages for it go from civil to me on my knees. From there to a very deep discussion about needs and weaknesses and just where the fuck do we go from here.
Can He pick me up and put me down at will... whenever He has a need and only then? Yes. He can. Can I deal with that? Yes. I can. But like I told Him... in that situation, the only thing I can promise is to be here if he calls for me. But I can't promise not to flirt, to follow the rules he set... not to seek the attention I need elsewhere while He is gone off trying hard to forget I exist.
He seemed agreeable to this. So this is our new dynamic. If we are not speaking, he does not exist. If we are speaking, no one else does. This works for me.
I don't have to go through the pain of letting go and He has a safe, undemanding place to run too when His need becomes greater than His desire to resist it.
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