On my journey to discover my inner submissive, I am restricted by my real life circumstances, and limited in the ways in which I am able to explore that part of myself. The only submission I can explore at this time in my life is long distance / online submission or as I have recently heard it called cyber submission.
I know that a lot of people in the lifestyle think this sort of submission is a joke. To those who have seriously engaged in it, it is not a joke. We know it's not the same as hands on, face to face D/s... but some people may never experience that and this is what we can experience.
I've written about it a couple of times here because it is a huge part of my journey and I know that I cannot be the only person who is limited to this sort of exploration. One of the most important parts of a long distance D/s (LDD/s) dynamic is how to continually engage both sides of the slash. How to keep things interesting and intriguing and rewarding for both. I believe it requires an excellent imagination, devotion, adoration and creativity from both sides.
With that thought in mind I did a twitter poll yesterday to see what some of the other LDD/s do to keep things fresh, interesting and everyone in the proper mindset of ownership and being owned. There were some really great ideas that I want to organize, share and comment on. I'm also going to add to the list some of the things that have really worked for me throughout this journey. One positive to having been considered by so many is that I have been exposed to a lot of Dom styles and tasks.
Without further ado (that's how that goes, yes?) here is the list and my accompanying thoughts:
>> Have the sub kneel each morning for a certain period of time to clear her mind and help her focus for the day.
I can see this being very effective. As someone whose mind chatters constantly it might be a struggle to get it to shut up and sit down for a few minutes, though. I wonder if given certain things to specifically concentrate on would help with that.
>> Texting a predetermined phrase each morning / evening / between activities / etc... to the Dom... such as "Good morning, Sir. Today I am yours."
In any good long distance relationship I've been in, the Dom has been the first thing on my mind as my mind begins to come up from the dregs of sleep and usually the last as I drift off. To know that He was awaiting that message, that He wanted to know what time I woke up, that He was the first person I thought of as I did... that would leave me feeling very owned, very secure in the knowledge of my place.
>> Along those same lines, I had a Dom who required me to text each time I left one place to go to another. It was his desire to know where I was at any point in the part of the day that belonged to him. I was concerned about this one b/c I had been in a very controlling marriage and it was not good for me. The difference was that my Dom didn't care what I was doing or where I was going. He just wanted to know so that he could gauge his attention, tasks, etc. accordingly. For the period of time we were together (6 weeks), it worked for us without growing tiring or trying.
>> Taking control of certain things, certain decisions that would be made by the Dominant. Such as nail color, daily hair style, panty or clothing choices, jewelry choices, or daily activities such as being allowed to participate in social media that day or not.
I actually really like this one quite a lot. With one of my Doms the rule was that he would decide what panties I would wear each day. I had to text him a photo of a few choices with enough time for him to get back to me with a decision. If I had to leave or get dressed before his decision was returned, I had to go commando. Even on the weekends (which were very challenging) I had to figure out a way to do this.... I'm sure that somewhere I've mentioned how much I enjoy a challenge, yes? ;) I think with this sort of decision making, it would leave the sub feeling owned every time she looked in a mirror, adjusted the skirt He picked out, looked down at the nail color he chose. I figure if He is going to see my hands in photos and videos quite often, he should enjoy looking at them. Choosing a color he likes or a style that I wouldn't normally choose seems like a small thing, but every time the Dom and the sub caught sight of that visible obedience the power exchange would be strengthened.
>> Writing on her skin. Having her write a phrase or a word somewhere discreet where she will see it throughout the day, but where no one else should be able to see it.
This is an absolute favorite. As an added touch of exerting your ownership, ask for photos throughout the day of the word(s)... as if you had just walked up to her wherever she was and slid her blouse aside so that you could see your marks on her skin, a photo of that moment sent to you. I imagine that would be extremely gratifying for both sides of the slash esp., if (like most of us) her phone (camera) is never very far from her hand... so she should be able to snap that photo on demand (discreetly, of course) *wicked grin*
>> Tasks.
I could write all day on this one thought. Tasking, at least for me, is absolutely vital to maintain the sense of ownership across the miles. I don't even care what kind of task it is. Sexual tasks, great. do some research, great. Go to bed by a certain time, be at the office by a certain time, send a photo once your dressed or when you take a bath or whenever, write in my journal everyday, etc. I am a sucker for clear, concise instructions given by a strong, Dominant man who EXPECTS me to follow those instructions. Set daily tasking or out of the blue impromptu tasking. All of it works to establish and maintain the power exchange that both sides need.
>> Rituals.
If there are things that you, as the Dom, would have your sub do for you if you could be together such as prepare and serve your coffee or draw your bath, etc. You could have her do those things for you even when you are not there. To prepare a cup of coffee to His specifications, to serve it in a way that would be expected of me if He were present (naked, on my knees, offering it up to Him or standing quietly as He took His first sip) -- I'm not sure how that would make me feel. Not sure if I would feel silly serving a cup of coffee to no one or if it would soothe me to be able to perform the act of service. I'm just not sure about this one.
>> Watching her online activity.
I know without question that I love love love love this one which shocks the hell out of me and always has. But there is something about knowing that He is watching me, watching those I interact with, reading the words I write and seeing the pictures I post. It's so fucking hot. Now, there is a disclaimer here. It can't be done in a suffocating, jealous rage, looking for reasons to punish sort of way. But if He watches with the intention of learning more about me from the way I interact with others, if he uses the things I write and the things I post as doors to open communication with me about my desires, my fears, my dark places... if He watches with the intent to keep me safe from myself and from others and out of a genuine curiosity to know more about me... yes.that. always.
>> Journaling. Writing in a journal of some sort. That could be a public journal like this one, a private online journal that only the two of you have access too or a hand written journal.
I love journaling. For me it is almost a necessity to help me work through the emotions and feelings that come with submitting and the pushing that goes naturally hand in hand with that. I also think my journal provides an insight for my Dom into things that He would know if we were together, but with a long distance relationship, those things are sometimes difficult to decipher. If we are texting and He sends an instruction that causes me hesitation, he won't see that hesitation as he would if that instruction were issued face to face. But it is there for a reason. That reason needs to be sorted. When the day comes to an end and I journal about it, that hesitation would be part of the journal. He would then be aware of it. We could then get to the heart of it and He would then know one more little thing about my responses and reactions that He wouldn't have otherwise known about. One of the biggest challenges of long distance is conveying the emotions evoked by your partner. There MUST be a way to ensure they know how they effect you and they need to know it in as intimately a way as possible, as close to the way they would know it or see it if you were in person, face to face when it happened.
>> Consistency.
This is a huge one for me. I like routines. I need to know when I can expect my Dom to be available to me. If we spend all day everyday of the week texting and suddenly on a Tuesday afternoon I don't hear from Him for 3 or 4 hours, my head is going to do me completely in by the time He gets back. Maybe He had a pop up meeting at work, or His mom stopped by and wouldn't shut up... it won't matter, those unexpectedly out of touch hours will drive me to the edge of madness wondering what I did to send him running in the other direction. The flip side of that is simply letting me know He would be away for a while or had a busy day in front of Him, would make that a completely different day for me. The consistency bleeds into every area, not just the availability issue. But, if one day something I do on Twitter is ok and another day (based soley on His mood) it isn't that is going to set me up for some unhappy insecurities. If one day He disciplines for a broken rule, a sassy mouth, a bad attitude, disobedience, etc., and another day He doesn't (for whatever reason) it confuses the sub... it also gives strong subs a toehold that any good Dom is not going to want to give her. Be very careful to be consistent. I don't know a single sub who can function well under an inconsistent Dom.
>> Communication.
Just like with any relationship and maybe even more so with a D/s relationship and even more so with a long distance one... communication is absolutely and totally vital. Open, honest, candid communication at every step, every turn. You have to be able to discuss what you want, what you need and what you absolutely won't do. You have to be able to express your emotions (as your going through them) so that each of you knows what the other thinks, feels, expects. When something happens and things feel a little broken, a little strained... you have to be able to pull that thing out of your head and put it on the table and both of you get our your picking tools and get down to the business of figuring it out.
>> Technology. Smart phones, KIK, YouTube, Skype, facetime, Whatsapp... just to name a few. In today's day and age, with the technology at our fingertips we can know the contours of each others faces, fingertips, whole bodies. We can know the sounds of pleasure our partner's make as they do things to themselves that we would do if there with them. We can know each others' O face and whether we scream or grunt or growl as we cum. We can watch our partners shake and shiver in satisfaction. A Dom can see the delicious torment on His sub's face when He edges her, can hear the agony in her voice as she obeys His command to stop. He can know what it looks like for her to be on her knees for Him. He can visually inspect her, He can make her watch as He strokes Himself off. There are endless possibilities for creativity.
>> Punishment. Can this be done long distance? Oh yes. It can.
I think the main thing a long distance Dom has to do is get out of the physical punishment mind set. A Dom could require his sub to spank herself and I'm sure she will. The question is can she ever deliver the blow with the same meaning as you could. For me any sort of impact play that I will be performing on myself should be for the enjoyment of us both. I'm not sure how effective a physical punishment would be for me. Now, having said that... there are some physical punishments that would be very effective. Kneeling on rice. Banding nipples a time or two tighter than you might for pleasurable nipple play. A stool or mat with upturned bottle caps that is to be sat on or stood on for a period of time, video'd or marks photographed afterwards are just a few examples. Another very effective punishment is all mental. I did something one time and the Dom who had me under consideration told me that because of what I had done I was not to speak to Him for the next four hours. I thought to myself... ok, I can handle that. But, then he started texting me. Telling me that he was talking to another sub, a well behaved sub. Texting me random tormenting things. When I would think about responding and started to type (he could see if I was typing) He gave me the equivalent of "the look" for an in person Dom, keeping me quiet, my fingers still. It was a very, very long four hours. Exceptionally effective. Punishment can most certainly be done long distance. It just requires creativity.
Added (4.18.14)
>> Spend time together. Sounds strange, I know. How do you spend time together when you're hundreds of miles apart? Simple. You play on twitter, you play on fetlife, you text or IM throughout the day, you skype or facetime, you talk on the phone. Spend time together every day.
This one is of the utmost importance to me in my submission. I need my Dom's attention. I need to know that I can reach out for Him and He is only a few keystrokes away. My first Dom and I spent pretty much all day, every day of the work "together". We opened g-chat when we got to our offices and it stayed open all day. Some days we talked all day, other days it was just nice knowing He was just on the other side of that chat box. With others since that one, I've done skype and phone calls and lots and lots of texting. Just like any relationship, you have to spend time together to get to know each other, to figure each other out, to be better for each other. And, I don't know about you, but I WANT that time. I look forward to it with eager anticipation every day and I can be restless and unsettled without it. Make each other a priority in your daily lives.
>> Experience all the things. Do the things. If you don't know what it is like to sit in a certain position for a certain period time, do it and then you will be able to make accurate descriptions of that activity during play. If you don't know how being a human footstool would make you feel, actually get down in that position and fill your mind with the scene, feel his boots on your back, what would you be thinking, what would you be feeling? Stay there until you get your head around it. Your Dom can help with this by describing the things he would be feeling, the things he might do or say while you were under his feet like that. LDDs is very mental, it requires an active imagination and a well used vocabulary, but you can and should add as much of the hands on physical parts as possible.
One of my last Doms and I used to talk about me being his personal coffee table in the mornings and having to hold still enough while on all fours that he could place his coffee cup on my back and it not be spilled. I tried and tried to get my head around whether or not I could do that. Finally, I gave up thinking about and decided to do it. I asked him what kind of coffee cup he drank his coffee from. He sent me a photo and i had a cup just like it in my kitchen. Tall, tapered, ceramic. I asked him how he took his coffee. I made the cup of coffee as if i were going to be serving it to him. I rinsed the cup in hot water first, as he instructed (just a tad bit of a sadist) and set up the webcam to record my efforts for him. It took me several tries and much sweet, sticky coffee streaming over my bottom and the backs of my thighs, slipping over the nakedness between my legs (b/c of course, I was naked... he wouldn't have me serve coffee any other way *grins*) before I figured out the proper width of my knees and flatness of my back to make it work. I video'd all of it for him. I wanted him to see that I really wanted to experience the things we talked about. I wanted him to enjoy watching my owie face as the hot coffee slid over my skin and I wanted him to see that i could be his coffee table... to see to what lengths I would go to, to please him. I no longer have to try to figure out how i would feel if my Dom wanted to use me for a coffee table. I KNOW how difficult it is, i KNOW the reality of how still I have to be, how my arms and legs start to shake and my breathing gets shallow, how difficult it is to keep the position and just how much hot coffee over pussy lips is a delicious sort of pain. I also know how sticky it is when it dries b/c i wasn't allowed to clean up what I spilled for a while. Experience the things. Run the rope through your nipple rings and tie it off to your big toes so you'll KNOW how that feels. Hit yourself with your flogger, your crop, your paddle so when you are playing with others, you can actually describe in real detail that experience. I am not a fan of golden showers... not my thing, but the same Dom from the coffee story loves them. He wanted me to experience one. So he had me fill a turkey baster with hot water and kneeling on all fours in the bathtub release the water over my lower back and ass. He had sent me a very descriptive text of what I was supposed to be thinking about while I did it to get as much out of the experience as possible, including to visualize the smell, the words he would have been saying to me and the thoughts that would be going through his head. It was incredibly effective.
Wow... If you made it all the way to the bottom, I'm impressed and thank you for sticking around through all the words :) Hopefully it makes sense and possibly helps anyone considering a long distance dynamic with ways to keep it interesting for both sides. Did I miss something? Do you have something that works in your dynamic? Share it in the comments below :)
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES (I will add information here as I come across it):
Cyber Submission and Exploring D/s online - a very good post about safety and the reasons why online D/s might be the right choice for your exploration.
Online BDSM - A lot of this one is about cyber chat room role play (which is really not what my LDDs is about) but there is some good information in here.
Online BDSM - some of this seems a little outdated but there is some good information in here especially about the dommy mcdomertons.
I've written about it a couple of times here because it is a huge part of my journey and I know that I cannot be the only person who is limited to this sort of exploration. One of the most important parts of a long distance D/s (LDD/s) dynamic is how to continually engage both sides of the slash. How to keep things interesting and intriguing and rewarding for both. I believe it requires an excellent imagination, devotion, adoration and creativity from both sides.
With that thought in mind I did a twitter poll yesterday to see what some of the other LDD/s do to keep things fresh, interesting and everyone in the proper mindset of ownership and being owned. There were some really great ideas that I want to organize, share and comment on. I'm also going to add to the list some of the things that have really worked for me throughout this journey. One positive to having been considered by so many is that I have been exposed to a lot of Dom styles and tasks.
Without further ado (that's how that goes, yes?) here is the list and my accompanying thoughts:
>> Have the sub kneel each morning for a certain period of time to clear her mind and help her focus for the day.
I can see this being very effective. As someone whose mind chatters constantly it might be a struggle to get it to shut up and sit down for a few minutes, though. I wonder if given certain things to specifically concentrate on would help with that.
>> Texting a predetermined phrase each morning / evening / between activities / etc... to the Dom... such as "Good morning, Sir. Today I am yours."
In any good long distance relationship I've been in, the Dom has been the first thing on my mind as my mind begins to come up from the dregs of sleep and usually the last as I drift off. To know that He was awaiting that message, that He wanted to know what time I woke up, that He was the first person I thought of as I did... that would leave me feeling very owned, very secure in the knowledge of my place.
>> Along those same lines, I had a Dom who required me to text each time I left one place to go to another. It was his desire to know where I was at any point in the part of the day that belonged to him. I was concerned about this one b/c I had been in a very controlling marriage and it was not good for me. The difference was that my Dom didn't care what I was doing or where I was going. He just wanted to know so that he could gauge his attention, tasks, etc. accordingly. For the period of time we were together (6 weeks), it worked for us without growing tiring or trying.
>> Taking control of certain things, certain decisions that would be made by the Dominant. Such as nail color, daily hair style, panty or clothing choices, jewelry choices, or daily activities such as being allowed to participate in social media that day or not.
I actually really like this one quite a lot. With one of my Doms the rule was that he would decide what panties I would wear each day. I had to text him a photo of a few choices with enough time for him to get back to me with a decision. If I had to leave or get dressed before his decision was returned, I had to go commando. Even on the weekends (which were very challenging) I had to figure out a way to do this.... I'm sure that somewhere I've mentioned how much I enjoy a challenge, yes? ;) I think with this sort of decision making, it would leave the sub feeling owned every time she looked in a mirror, adjusted the skirt He picked out, looked down at the nail color he chose. I figure if He is going to see my hands in photos and videos quite often, he should enjoy looking at them. Choosing a color he likes or a style that I wouldn't normally choose seems like a small thing, but every time the Dom and the sub caught sight of that visible obedience the power exchange would be strengthened.
>> Writing on her skin. Having her write a phrase or a word somewhere discreet where she will see it throughout the day, but where no one else should be able to see it.
This is an absolute favorite. As an added touch of exerting your ownership, ask for photos throughout the day of the word(s)... as if you had just walked up to her wherever she was and slid her blouse aside so that you could see your marks on her skin, a photo of that moment sent to you. I imagine that would be extremely gratifying for both sides of the slash esp., if (like most of us) her phone (camera) is never very far from her hand... so she should be able to snap that photo on demand (discreetly, of course) *wicked grin*
>> Tasks.
I could write all day on this one thought. Tasking, at least for me, is absolutely vital to maintain the sense of ownership across the miles. I don't even care what kind of task it is. Sexual tasks, great. do some research, great. Go to bed by a certain time, be at the office by a certain time, send a photo once your dressed or when you take a bath or whenever, write in my journal everyday, etc. I am a sucker for clear, concise instructions given by a strong, Dominant man who EXPECTS me to follow those instructions. Set daily tasking or out of the blue impromptu tasking. All of it works to establish and maintain the power exchange that both sides need.
>> Rituals.
If there are things that you, as the Dom, would have your sub do for you if you could be together such as prepare and serve your coffee or draw your bath, etc. You could have her do those things for you even when you are not there. To prepare a cup of coffee to His specifications, to serve it in a way that would be expected of me if He were present (naked, on my knees, offering it up to Him or standing quietly as He took His first sip) -- I'm not sure how that would make me feel. Not sure if I would feel silly serving a cup of coffee to no one or if it would soothe me to be able to perform the act of service. I'm just not sure about this one.
>> Watching her online activity.
I know without question that I love love love love this one which shocks the hell out of me and always has. But there is something about knowing that He is watching me, watching those I interact with, reading the words I write and seeing the pictures I post. It's so fucking hot. Now, there is a disclaimer here. It can't be done in a suffocating, jealous rage, looking for reasons to punish sort of way. But if He watches with the intention of learning more about me from the way I interact with others, if he uses the things I write and the things I post as doors to open communication with me about my desires, my fears, my dark places... if He watches with the intent to keep me safe from myself and from others and out of a genuine curiosity to know more about me... yes.that. always.
>> Journaling. Writing in a journal of some sort. That could be a public journal like this one, a private online journal that only the two of you have access too or a hand written journal.
I love journaling. For me it is almost a necessity to help me work through the emotions and feelings that come with submitting and the pushing that goes naturally hand in hand with that. I also think my journal provides an insight for my Dom into things that He would know if we were together, but with a long distance relationship, those things are sometimes difficult to decipher. If we are texting and He sends an instruction that causes me hesitation, he won't see that hesitation as he would if that instruction were issued face to face. But it is there for a reason. That reason needs to be sorted. When the day comes to an end and I journal about it, that hesitation would be part of the journal. He would then be aware of it. We could then get to the heart of it and He would then know one more little thing about my responses and reactions that He wouldn't have otherwise known about. One of the biggest challenges of long distance is conveying the emotions evoked by your partner. There MUST be a way to ensure they know how they effect you and they need to know it in as intimately a way as possible, as close to the way they would know it or see it if you were in person, face to face when it happened.
>> Consistency.
This is a huge one for me. I like routines. I need to know when I can expect my Dom to be available to me. If we spend all day everyday of the week texting and suddenly on a Tuesday afternoon I don't hear from Him for 3 or 4 hours, my head is going to do me completely in by the time He gets back. Maybe He had a pop up meeting at work, or His mom stopped by and wouldn't shut up... it won't matter, those unexpectedly out of touch hours will drive me to the edge of madness wondering what I did to send him running in the other direction. The flip side of that is simply letting me know He would be away for a while or had a busy day in front of Him, would make that a completely different day for me. The consistency bleeds into every area, not just the availability issue. But, if one day something I do on Twitter is ok and another day (based soley on His mood) it isn't that is going to set me up for some unhappy insecurities. If one day He disciplines for a broken rule, a sassy mouth, a bad attitude, disobedience, etc., and another day He doesn't (for whatever reason) it confuses the sub... it also gives strong subs a toehold that any good Dom is not going to want to give her. Be very careful to be consistent. I don't know a single sub who can function well under an inconsistent Dom.
>> Communication.
Just like with any relationship and maybe even more so with a D/s relationship and even more so with a long distance one... communication is absolutely and totally vital. Open, honest, candid communication at every step, every turn. You have to be able to discuss what you want, what you need and what you absolutely won't do. You have to be able to express your emotions (as your going through them) so that each of you knows what the other thinks, feels, expects. When something happens and things feel a little broken, a little strained... you have to be able to pull that thing out of your head and put it on the table and both of you get our your picking tools and get down to the business of figuring it out.
>> Technology. Smart phones, KIK, YouTube, Skype, facetime, Whatsapp... just to name a few. In today's day and age, with the technology at our fingertips we can know the contours of each others faces, fingertips, whole bodies. We can know the sounds of pleasure our partner's make as they do things to themselves that we would do if there with them. We can know each others' O face and whether we scream or grunt or growl as we cum. We can watch our partners shake and shiver in satisfaction. A Dom can see the delicious torment on His sub's face when He edges her, can hear the agony in her voice as she obeys His command to stop. He can know what it looks like for her to be on her knees for Him. He can visually inspect her, He can make her watch as He strokes Himself off. There are endless possibilities for creativity.
>> Punishment. Can this be done long distance? Oh yes. It can.
I think the main thing a long distance Dom has to do is get out of the physical punishment mind set. A Dom could require his sub to spank herself and I'm sure she will. The question is can she ever deliver the blow with the same meaning as you could. For me any sort of impact play that I will be performing on myself should be for the enjoyment of us both. I'm not sure how effective a physical punishment would be for me. Now, having said that... there are some physical punishments that would be very effective. Kneeling on rice. Banding nipples a time or two tighter than you might for pleasurable nipple play. A stool or mat with upturned bottle caps that is to be sat on or stood on for a period of time, video'd or marks photographed afterwards are just a few examples. Another very effective punishment is all mental. I did something one time and the Dom who had me under consideration told me that because of what I had done I was not to speak to Him for the next four hours. I thought to myself... ok, I can handle that. But, then he started texting me. Telling me that he was talking to another sub, a well behaved sub. Texting me random tormenting things. When I would think about responding and started to type (he could see if I was typing) He gave me the equivalent of "the look" for an in person Dom, keeping me quiet, my fingers still. It was a very, very long four hours. Exceptionally effective. Punishment can most certainly be done long distance. It just requires creativity.
Added (4.18.14)
>> Spend time together. Sounds strange, I know. How do you spend time together when you're hundreds of miles apart? Simple. You play on twitter, you play on fetlife, you text or IM throughout the day, you skype or facetime, you talk on the phone. Spend time together every day.
This one is of the utmost importance to me in my submission. I need my Dom's attention. I need to know that I can reach out for Him and He is only a few keystrokes away. My first Dom and I spent pretty much all day, every day of the work "together". We opened g-chat when we got to our offices and it stayed open all day. Some days we talked all day, other days it was just nice knowing He was just on the other side of that chat box. With others since that one, I've done skype and phone calls and lots and lots of texting. Just like any relationship, you have to spend time together to get to know each other, to figure each other out, to be better for each other. And, I don't know about you, but I WANT that time. I look forward to it with eager anticipation every day and I can be restless and unsettled without it. Make each other a priority in your daily lives.
>> Experience all the things. Do the things. If you don't know what it is like to sit in a certain position for a certain period time, do it and then you will be able to make accurate descriptions of that activity during play. If you don't know how being a human footstool would make you feel, actually get down in that position and fill your mind with the scene, feel his boots on your back, what would you be thinking, what would you be feeling? Stay there until you get your head around it. Your Dom can help with this by describing the things he would be feeling, the things he might do or say while you were under his feet like that. LDDs is very mental, it requires an active imagination and a well used vocabulary, but you can and should add as much of the hands on physical parts as possible.
One of my last Doms and I used to talk about me being his personal coffee table in the mornings and having to hold still enough while on all fours that he could place his coffee cup on my back and it not be spilled. I tried and tried to get my head around whether or not I could do that. Finally, I gave up thinking about and decided to do it. I asked him what kind of coffee cup he drank his coffee from. He sent me a photo and i had a cup just like it in my kitchen. Tall, tapered, ceramic. I asked him how he took his coffee. I made the cup of coffee as if i were going to be serving it to him. I rinsed the cup in hot water first, as he instructed (just a tad bit of a sadist) and set up the webcam to record my efforts for him. It took me several tries and much sweet, sticky coffee streaming over my bottom and the backs of my thighs, slipping over the nakedness between my legs (b/c of course, I was naked... he wouldn't have me serve coffee any other way *grins*) before I figured out the proper width of my knees and flatness of my back to make it work. I video'd all of it for him. I wanted him to see that I really wanted to experience the things we talked about. I wanted him to enjoy watching my owie face as the hot coffee slid over my skin and I wanted him to see that i could be his coffee table... to see to what lengths I would go to, to please him. I no longer have to try to figure out how i would feel if my Dom wanted to use me for a coffee table. I KNOW how difficult it is, i KNOW the reality of how still I have to be, how my arms and legs start to shake and my breathing gets shallow, how difficult it is to keep the position and just how much hot coffee over pussy lips is a delicious sort of pain. I also know how sticky it is when it dries b/c i wasn't allowed to clean up what I spilled for a while. Experience the things. Run the rope through your nipple rings and tie it off to your big toes so you'll KNOW how that feels. Hit yourself with your flogger, your crop, your paddle so when you are playing with others, you can actually describe in real detail that experience. I am not a fan of golden showers... not my thing, but the same Dom from the coffee story loves them. He wanted me to experience one. So he had me fill a turkey baster with hot water and kneeling on all fours in the bathtub release the water over my lower back and ass. He had sent me a very descriptive text of what I was supposed to be thinking about while I did it to get as much out of the experience as possible, including to visualize the smell, the words he would have been saying to me and the thoughts that would be going through his head. It was incredibly effective.
Wow... If you made it all the way to the bottom, I'm impressed and thank you for sticking around through all the words :) Hopefully it makes sense and possibly helps anyone considering a long distance dynamic with ways to keep it interesting for both sides. Did I miss something? Do you have something that works in your dynamic? Share it in the comments below :)
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES (I will add information here as I come across it):
Cyber Submission and Exploring D/s online - a very good post about safety and the reasons why online D/s might be the right choice for your exploration.
Online BDSM - A lot of this one is about cyber chat room role play (which is really not what my LDDs is about) but there is some good information in here.
Online BDSM - some of this seems a little outdated but there is some good information in here especially about the dommy mcdomertons.
No comments:
Post a Comment