When I think of presenting myself, His property, before Him, I see something similar to this in my mind.
The position is beautiful. She is lovely and graceful. Worthy of appreciation.The low lighting in the room hiding the imperfections she might be worried over, the position allowing her to present herself but still to maintain that ever important sense of modesty, purity, beauty.
Even this one would be ok. This one is a little more vulgar, but with my face down, it would be bearable to be this exposed. The lighting would expose every little flaw, every little imperfection but if He wanted to see those things, this position would be ideal and easy to achieve if directed. It would make me feel very shy and very blushy and very self conscience but the fact that my head was down, my hands above, that I was doing it for Him would make it bearable. Still I believe that I would find questions racing through my mind... is my tummy showing, do my thighs look huge, aren't assholes kind of gross to look at... why would He want to see it in such detail?
When He thinks of me presenting myself to Him, He expects more of this. There is something about the added level of exposure and the simple fact that she is holding herself open, so exposed. It's so crude, so indelicate. It makes me so uncomfortable. If we had been playing for a while, my sexual need heightened, my desire at that lovely do anything He asked level, I could do this without a second thought. However, if He said to me when I brought His morning coffee, "kneel, slut. present." and expected this position from me, I would be wildly anxious, embarrassed... my mind racing with awful thoughts and questions. To be done in a moment without the added sexual need, this would be a terribly humiliating task for me to endure.
When I think of exposing myself like this, my ever busy mind fills with questions like those mentioned above. I feel fat, ungraceful, very unsexy (I know that's not a word, but it fits). I would be fidgety, nervous, anxious.
After talking with Sir about this yesterday, a lot of these thoughts have started to shift in my mind. Bear in mind that I've never presented for anyone in real life, only in my mind. I've never held a position as instructed and simply been observed by someone I've submitted myself completely too. I've never been inspected by a strong, demanding Dominant man, either visually or physically.
According to my Sir, these moments of exposure, for Him, are his way of taking a moment to appreciate and cherish me and the beauty that he sees in me. It allows Him to feast His eyes upon what now belongs to Him. He explained that the women in the photos seem content with this sort of exposure because they are comforted in the knowledge that their Dom is not sitting behind them picking apart their imperfections but instead He is simply gazing upon the embodiment of what He has been investing His time and effort into bringing out in His dirty lil whore. Even if there are imperfections in her physically, those imperfections are appreciated in these moments as the bits and pieces that make her unique and beautiful to Him.
{{ Sir: And for me to put you in that position, obviously means I admire you... you and who you are. }}
It's not all about kneeling between His feet, nuzzling His thigh, or resting with my head on His feet... or crawling in His lap to be petted... my lips on His neck, breathing Him in. Those are my moments. Those are the moments when He spoils me.
Presenting myself in whatever way He asks, no matter how difficult it is for me, those are His moments. Those are the moments when I give the most of myself to Him, because they are the hardest for me to give.
I want so much to do the difficult things for Him, to have my boundaries stretched by Him. I can't wait for the day when I know exactly how presenting myself to Him makes me feel.
Having this conversation with Him yesterday had an interesting effect on me. All afternoon I wanted nothing more than to be near to Him, to know Him more. I was craving Him, even more so than usual. It was like a physical ache inside me.
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